15 Chuck Norris jokes


Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who Chuck Norris is.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

(Image borrowed from the internet somewhere)

Comments

D said…
I imagine people passing around jokes like this are how tall tales come about. Besides corporate propoganda, I mean.
Anonymous said…
Chuck Norris doesn't get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. =Chris Morrison=
phil smith said…
LOL that was hilarious thanx a bunch
bubba2go said…
chuck norris knows the last diget of pi.

some people think the lottery numbers are random, its just the given number of people chuck norris has killed in a day.

Chuck norris can squeese orange juice out of a lemon.

chuck norris can gargle peanut butter.

chuck norris went back in time once and met a king, who was so scared he crapped a brick, not to be outdone chuck norris crapped the pyramids.

when chuck norris jumps into a pool chuck norris doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norris.

did you know google won't search for chuck norris, because google knows you will not find chuck norris, chuck norris finds you.

jesus can walk on water, but chuck norris walks on jesus.

jesus can turn water into wine, but chuck norris can turn wine into beer.

chuck norris can believe its not butter.

if you get roundhoused kicked by chuck norris, your grandma feels it.

a meteioroid didnt kill the dinosaurs chuck norris did.

if a tree falls i the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound. WRONG trick question chuck norris hears all.

if you want to see a list of chuck norris's enimies, go look at a book of extinked animals.

pamela anderson says she has had sex with 20,o00 people, chuck norris calls this a slow tuesday.

chuck norris doesnt considerate sex if the women survives.

chuck norris can clap with one hand and hear the sound.
Anonymous said…
chuck norris can believe its not butter
Anonymous said…
This site is the best ive seen sence ive started looking up Chuck norris.

Every time you breath chuck norris kicks a kitten into outer space...so hold your breath
NOVA GUY

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